Goodbye Sweet Jerusalem

Well I’ve woken up in the Holy Land for the last time for this trip. A few days ago my energy was waning and I would’ve told you I was ready to go home; but now as I sit in this lobby with familiar smells, sounds and faces I don’t know how to leave a place that has quickly become part of me. I cannot help but wonder if I will be able to capture this sense of renewed drive and spirit within me and get it home, or will it stay here? Will I be able to pray with the same rawness and authenticity as I have discovered at the Western Wall? Will I remember to give thanks often for the many blessings around me? Will I remember everything as clearly as I do now once I leave? Will I ever be the same again?

I don’t know about most of those questions, but as for the last one—I can proudly answer ‘No.’ I came here to be transformed, to make lasting relationships and to ask God help me on my path to ministry. I never expected to get all three and so much more; words cannot express the thanks I feel for such an opportunity.

As for yesterday I finally, with the help of friends, was able to find where my grandmother once stood at Gethsemane and complete my quest to stand in three places my grandparents stood over 30 years ago. I danced before that spot with joy, had my picture taken with hers, and then cried tears of fulfillment, sorrow and grace all at once. We all cried together and reminisced about all we have experienced. I could write a book about this place and still never be able to relay what it feels like to be here. What it feels like to walk through the market and take a right turn, then a left turn and find yourself standing in front of the Church of the Holy Sepulchre; or what it feels like to drive through green landscape filled with trees only to go around the curve and be met with the Mediterranean Sea, Sea of Galilee or the Dead Sea( or what it feels like to put your feet in all three…and fall in one!). What it feels like to worship in a space surrounded by countless languages, sometimes different faiths, and still pray and worships together as one body. I wish I could bottle this whole trip up and bring it home to each of you.

I will mourn leaving this place and the grand wonder that exists here. The healing that I’ve experienced and witnessed and the renewal of faith I know we all have experienced in one way or another. I will always cherish growing and loving together as pilgrims. Twenty-two people is a big group to travel with but I can say I have gotten to know each of them better and cherish the growth I have seen in all of them and myself, and the relationships we’ve formed together.

I will always read scripture differently. I will always remember the distance and terrain between Jesus’ arrest, his trial, the path by which he carried the cross and the place he died and rose again. I will always remember being atop Mt. Arbel and feeling the Spirit dancing for the first time, and then the gift of seeing it dance everywhere from Tel Aviv to Galilee to Bethlehem and Nazareth and Jerusalem.

Truth be told I have no idea how this trip will impact my ministry and no clear idea what God has in store for my life. But, I do know my grandfather walks beside me, that God has called me to serve and the whether in Louisville, or Israel—the sun rising and setting is the most glorious way to start and end a day. I’m sure you will hear from me again and I know I could go on for pages and pages about this trip, but the sun rises soon and I have a date with friends and the hotel rooftop to take in one more Jerusalem sunrise. In case I’m too tired after I get back—thanks for being so faithful in reading our trip blog. Knowing you were there to read it gave me the strength to keep writing it. Thanks for taking the journey with us—I hope you’ll continue, as I will, as the next group of pilgrims set foot in the Holy Land and share their experiences.

Blessings and Peace,

Caitlin